Finding Happiness: Setting Boundaries, Overcoming Judgment, and Living on Your Terms

By: Dr. Terry Samuels

Happiness often feels elusive in today’s world. With societal pressures, past trauma, and family expectations shaping our lives, many people struggle to find genuine joy. Whether in relationships, career choices, or personal growth, discovering happiness requires intentional action. Especially in setting boundaries, overcoming judgment, and creating a fulfilling life on your terms.

In this article, we’ll explore the challenges of finding happiness, the importance of personal boundaries, and how to navigate relationships while staying true to yourself.

Why Happiness Feels So Hard to Attain

Many people feel like happiness is just out of reach. Why? Because happiness is not a one-size-fits-all experience. It’s deeply personal, shaped by upbringing, relationships, and the environment we live in.

For example, relationships often come with expectations—some realistic, others unrealistic. Many individuals enter relationships seeking happiness but struggle due to past emotional wounds. A woman in her late 30s might stay in an incompatible relationship because her biological clock is ticking, afraid to be alone. A man might enter a relationship trying to “fix” a partner’s unresolved trauma, only to find himself drained.

The reality? Happiness doesn’t come from a relationship. It comes from personal growth, self-awareness, and surrounding yourself with the right people.

The Role of Boundaries in Happiness

Boundaries are one of the most underrated yet crucial components of happiness. Without them, people often feel drained, disrespected, or stuck in toxic cycles.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries Without Guilt

Many people struggle with setting boundaries because they fear being seen as “mean” or “aggressive.” The truth is, boundaries are not about pushing people away—they're about creating space for self-respect and emotional well-being.

⦁ Be assertive immediately – If something makes you uncomfortable, address it in the moment.

⦁ Stay calm and firm – Set your boundary without escalating conflict.

⦁ Expect pushback – People accustomed to violating your boundaries will resist at first. Stay firm.

⦁ Prioritize your well-being – If someone constantly drains your energy, it’s okay to limit time with them.

As one person shared, their family often brought up embarrassing childhood memories as a way to diminish their success. Instead of engaging in arguments, they set firm boundaries by limiting time with those relatives and choosing healthier interactions elsewhere.

Why People React Negatively to Boundaries

When you set boundaries, some people will push back. Why? Because they’re used to controlling the dynamic.

⦁ Some may feel entitled to your time, attention, or energy.

⦁ Others may struggle with their own insecurities and try to project them onto you.

⦁ Family members might resist because they benefited from you not having boundaries before.

A therapist once told a client, “If someone gets upset when you set a boundary, it only confirms that the boundary was necessary.”

Overcoming Judgment: Why People Try to Tear Others Down

Many people experience judgment from family, friends, or even strangers when trying to better themselves. This judgment often stems from deep-seated issues within the critic, not the person being criticized.

Why Do People Judge Others?

⦁ Comparison & Insecurity – Some people tear others down to feel better about themselves.

⦁ Fixed Mindset – They believe success is limited, so your growth threatens them.

⦁ Projection – They haven’t pursued their own goals, so they belittle yours.

A therapist shared a personal example: When he released a book, a relative called him shocked after reading it, realizing for the first time the hardships he had overcome. Until then, that relative had judged his mother, assuming she didn’t “deserve” a successful life.

The takeaway? People judge what they don’t understand.

How to Rise Above Negative Judgment

⦁ Ignore opinions that don’t contribute to your growth.

⦁ Surround yourself with people who uplift you.

⦁ Remember: their judgment is about them, not you.

One psychiatrist explained that people who feel outcast in society often seek validation at family gatherings where they are “popular.” Meanwhile, those focused on growth don’t need that external validation.

Finding Happiness Through Hard Work and Self-Determination

Happiness isn’t handed to you. It’s built through resilience, effort, and perspective.

The Power of Hard Work

Many successful people credit their achievements not to luck, but to effort. A professional shared how he worked his way up from a struggling background, making sacrifices to create a better future. Unlike relatives who received financial help, he earned everything through persistence.

⦁ Success requires action – Waiting for happiness to come to you won’t work.

⦁ Embrace the struggle – Every challenge teaches valuable lessons.

⦁ Stay focused on your goals – Ignore distractions from people who don’t support your growth.

Drawing Others Into a Growth Mindset

One of the biggest challenges today is getting younger generations—or even peers—to work harder. The key? Inspiration and engagement.

⦁ Find what motivates them. People need to connect their efforts to a bigger purpose.

⦁ Create environments that encourage effort. Structured support helps people stay accountable.

⦁ Lead by example. When people see your success, they may feel inspired to improve their own lives.

One professional increased his income fourfold by shifting his focus from a stagnant job to a more lucrative opportunity. He then used his earnings to reinvest in his business, proving that growth requires action, not just dreams.

Final Thoughts: Happiness Comes from Growth, Boundaries, and Self-Respect

Happiness isn’t about pleasing everyone. It’s about respecting yourself, setting boundaries, overcoming judgment, and continuously striving to improve.

⦁ Set boundaries unapologetically. Your well-being matters.

⦁ Ignore judgment from those who don’t understand your journey. It’s not your job to convince them.

⦁ Work hard, but work smart. Success is built through effort, persistence, and adaptability.

As one professional put it, “You don’t have to be the center of attention to be successful. The best work happens behind the scenes.”

Happiness isn’t found in validation from others. It’s found in self-respect, personal growth, and choosing to live life on your own terms.